Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda....

It's that time of year again.

Almost another year gone by since I lost my Mom. I allow myself the pity party table of one, just once a year, near the anniversary of her death. This is the time that I wonder how my life would be different had she never died. The time of year that I beat myself up and down for not recognizing that she did in fact have congestive heart failure and that mistake ultimately lead to her death. Once a year I cry for what I've lost, what I should have done, what could be. I miss her so much, sometimes it still hurts like it was just yesterday. There is so much I want to share with her. The Flying Monkey's, my joy's in life, my sadness, my achievements, my failures.

I wonder where I'd be right now if she were still alive. We bought her house after her death so would we still be in our old house? Would we be in my dream home which this one is surely not. What would the holidays be like with her here? What kind of person would I be?

I know that I wouldn't be who I am now.

I'm a different person after her death. I don't think it's bad, but different. I did discover strength that I never knew I possessed after she died but honestly, that and $1.60 will get ya a coffee at Tim Horton's. Would my brothers and I be closer had she not died or are we closer because we're all each other has now?

My heart is heavy. I want to hear her voice once more. I want to tell her just how much I admired her and how I pray that I can be 1/2 the woman she was. I want to hold her, smell her perfume ON her vs. in the bottle on my dresser. I want to cry with her, laugh with her, BE with her.

I miss you Mom. More than ever. I still think about you every day. I pray that you look out for me and the Monkey's.

I love you. Always.

One of my favorites

Blast from the Past!

Originally posted in Novemeber 2008

This year's finalists for Mother of the Year 2008 are as follows:

Finalist #1, Sugar, comes to us from the run down state of New Jersey where although she doesn't have a job to speak of, she's currently working on giving Levi (shown here in the back seat) a sibling in order to get more welfare dollars.

Finalist #2, Lanie, comes to us from suburban Detroit where she aspires to be an actress. Her self designed ink was inspired by her Creative Memories roller star stamper that she used to scrapbook the birth and 1st birthday of little Sasha shown in the background behind the dilapidated baby gate rescued from the neighbors trash.



Finalist #3, Tammy Faith (aka: Tawny Fawn at The Landing Strip out by the airport)can't thank her Dad enough for installing that stripper pole she got off Craig's List. When she's not mentoring girls with the Big Brother/Big Sister organization, she can be found watching Showgirls, her favorite movie of all time!

And the weiner of the 2008 Mom of the Year competition is.........

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LISA FROM WEST VIRGINIA!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations Lisa for being the quintessential picture of motherhood. This captures the multi-tasking that all mothers strive to achieve but sadly, some never experience. Taking care of both men in your life earns not only our admiration but this coveted title of Mother of the Year.
Bravo Lisa!

Updates

So, Part duex was up at 330am NOT 4am like I thought. I, in turn, was up at 5am because between him and DH in my bed, I get NO SLEEP.

I stalked the bathroom vanity out at Lowe's today. I'll be damned if it doesn't have two drawers just waiting to be filled with my crap. So this is a go as far as I'm concerned. I think I'll just buy it because if I wait until DH is ready, the thing will be long gone.

Our toilet was leaking for the umteenth time this year so for whatever reason, DH gets a bug up his ass and decided to tear it out and replace it with a new one. This would have been good had he not had to work today AND while lifting the new toilet outta the car (this will turn into MY fault even though I was no where near him when he decided to do this) he hurt his back. He's pissed because I had the truck so putting it in the car and lifting it out could have been avoided. He then lifed Part duex into the shopping cart sealing his back fate. So he ended up calling into work and I in turn, called BFF and we're going out and leaving DH at home with the kids. This makes ME happy and that's all that really matters in the big picture. To add to the stress, DH is having a hard time caulking the toilet so he's now a freakin' BEAR to be around. He just reduced Part duex to tears when all the litte guy wanted to do is ask DH if he could watch him caulk.

And THAT my friends is what I have to look forward to all night/weekend.

Don't be hatin'.

Daylight savings time for dummies

I really need to get with the program. I had run out to grab a coffee with the flying monkeys tonight and as we were driving home, I noticed that it was 830pm the time the monkeys usually go to bed. I explained to them that when we got home, we needed to brush teeth and get ready for bed as it was already past their bedtime. They started to give me a rash but since that's not unusual, I thought nothing of it. I let Uno read a bit while I tucked Part duex in. Uno just came into the room and said, "Mom, can I read another book?" I said, "No, you have to get to bed, it's already way past bedtime." As I was saying this I looked at the clock. It said 825pm.
Wha?
OMG, I realized that the clock in the truck was never set BACK that 1 hour from this past weekend. No wonder the kids were fighting me, I was putting them to bed at like 745pm!!!

Hahahahahahah!

I laugh now but will be crying in the morning when they're up at 4am.

some blasting from the past

Here are some funnies from my past blogging:

Bwhahahahahaha

"A chick in Port St. Lucie, FL suspected her husband of getting it on with another lady, so naturally, she asked to smell his dick area for strange pussy juice odors. The 37-year-old woman followed her husband to the bathroom and told him to whip his dick out "so that she can smell it."Her 25-year-old husband was not amused, because when she went down to get a whiff, he punched her in the mouth and kicked at her body. After the bastard beat at her, he left the house. Police are currently searching his ass"
What a friggen hoot!
Many thanks to the Trailer Trash Couple of the Year in Port St. Lucie, FL for the laugh!

SOLD!

OMG I LOVE LOVE LOVE this vanity! It'll go so perfect in the bathroom in my master bedroom. I've been wanting inspiration for 5 years for that bathroom and I've now found it. The only thing that could screw it up is if all of the drawers are false drawers. I have a feeling they are but I'm holding out hope and running to Lowe's tomorrow.

I CAN'T be the only one

Who reads this headline and isn't much surprised that Elton John ended up with e-coli (which is found in POOP...you figure it out).

Elton John aims for return to stage after illness
Elton John is recovering in hospital from a serious case of e-coli bacterial infection and influenza that forced him to cancel a string of concerts, but he hoped to return to the stage soon, a spokesman said on Monday.

For the record...I can't stand this bastard. He may be an amazing song writer and singer but he's an ASSHOLE in concert. I spent $200 on two tickets and that fucker walked off stage and didn't return after about 20 min. of the show because people were throwing shit on the stage. Had he looked, he'd have noticed they were dildo's so maybe he shouldn't have been so quick to run off.
Asshole.

Back to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Riddle me this....

When you have problems with a program in your Windows operating system and the little bastard of a box pops up and says "we're experiencing a problem with _____ program and will have to close this file. Would you like to notify Microsoft of this problem?" and you push YES to notify Microsoft, do you think it actually GOES to Microsoft? And if it does, why the fuck am I STILL experiencing problems on and off for MONTHS?????? HMMMMMM?????

Because it doesn't get sent to Microsoft. It gets sent to the "This dumb fuck shoulda bought a Mac" department where they all laugh at my stupidity for listening to DH complain that Mac's were too much money so we have this piece of shit PC.

The winds of change are blowing my friends.
Oh yes they are.

I suck.

I had a work friend call me last night. It was late so I kinda knew something was up. She said that she just found out that her mom had a tumor in her brain. Don't know whether it is cancer but any mass in your brain that shouldn't be there isn't good anyway you look at it. Her mom had just come from the MRI to my friend's house as she was watching friends kids while friend went to work. Needless to say, my friend is in shock and devastated. She said she just needed to vent/cry, which I totally understand, but I felt the need to say something. Anything. I don't know why but I did.
What the fuck do you say to someone who's heading down a dark road?
Nothing. There really isn't anything to say.
I'll be there for her. I'll watch her kids if needed and take over food to feed the family as my friend will be concentrating on her mom and treatment if it comes to that. I don't think my friend is strong though. She doesn't handle stress well and this plate that has been handed to her is filled with a big 'ole helping of stress.

Know what's crazy? Absolutely crazy?

The fact that I'm relieved that I don't have to deal with this. My mom is already gone. I'm relieved that I'm DONE with the utter devastation, chaos, shock, numbness, sick feeling, sob fests, etc. Done. How fucked up am I ? This is what I get from a late night phone call? I feel guilty. You have no idea just how relieved I am that I don't have to deal with this shit.
OMG. How supportive is that?
I think I suck.