Thankful

Why is it the two most remembered dates in someone's life is their birth and their death? There are sooo many more memorable dates in someone's life than their birth and death. So much more to celebrate but those dates get pushed away when death comes around.

My Mom passed away December 9th, 2002. I remember exactly what I was doing that day. I remember exactly what happened when I heard the news. I cannot tell you what I had for lunch today, but I can tell you every moment of the evening she died. Even now, I get the drop in my stomach when I think of it. I can't help it. Every year I allow myself to "would have, should have, could have" about that night. I allow it only for a short period because if I stay there too long, I run the risk of falling down that dark hole of despair and I refuse to go there. I've stayed out for 5 years and have no intention of falling down there now. This year is different though. This year, I'm going to be with my babies and my husband in a place where magic happens. It occured to me that this year, I'll not allow myself to "would have, should have, could have" because I won't have time to hang out in the self pity lounge. I'll finally be able to replace the memories of that dark day with something that's bright and happy. It goes without saying that I'll not forget the day I lost my Mom but I'll finally be able to smile on that day. Finally.

For that, I am thankful.