Stop the Madness!

You know what really irritates me? (How's THAT for a loaded question)

The people out there who have these gay ass blog contests that give away some shitty Etsy creation or something similar for the person who leaves the most comments on their blog. Beg much? Srsly. It's LAME.

I enjoy reading people's blogs. The moment I see some dumb ass contest, I'm outta there. I'm sure I'm missing out on some cool blogs but I can't help it. It's friggen dumb.

I also refuse to clink on any blog ad's.



Here's Michael Phelps smoking a big fat bong though.

Don't say I never gave you nothin' on my blog.

I need a 12 step program

I can't stop playing Animal Crossing for Gamecube (I'm not wealthy enough for Wii). I just got into a fight with FM Uno because he wanted to play Sonic and I was still too busy shaking tree's to get bells so I can pay off my house and buy a damn fishing pole and shovel from Nooks. I kept telling him to "wait a minute" and he started crying and went and told DH on me! LMFAO! DH came in and was like "Seriously? Seriously."

Geeze. I'm off, I'm off!

For now.
Till they go to bed.
All of them.

Damn Cindy for not only turning me on to this game but also enabling me by giving me her kids Gamecube.

I'll get you my pretty! GameStop has used Wii's for like $200. I can get it hooked up and Wii speak set up and be playing your ass by Monday. Muhahahaha!

What's for dinner Wednesday

This is a GREAT recipe if you need to get something to the table fast during the week. It came together easily and was really, really good! I personally loved the fact that it didn't have meat in it. Flying Monkey Uno loved it. Part duex wouldn't eat it but that's nothing new. The only changes I made was to use fat free cheeses.
Enjoy!


Skillet Pasta Florentine

3 C uncooked spiral pasta
1 egg, beaten
2 C (16oz) cottage cheese
1 ½ C ricotta cheese
1 pkg. (10oz) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
1 C shredded mozzarella
1 tsp each: dried parsley, oregano and basil
1 jar (32.0z) meatless spaghetti sauce
2 tbsp grated Parmesan cheese

Cook pasta according to package directions. In a large bowl, mix cottage cheese, egg, ricotta cheese, spinach, ½ C mozzarella cheese and herbs. Drain pasta. Place ½ the spaghetti sauce in a large skillet; layer with pasta and remaining sauce. Top with cheese mixture. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover and cook for 25-30 min. or until thermometer reaches 160 F. Sprinkle with parmesan and remaining mozzarella; cover and cook for 5 minutes. Let stand for 5 minutes before serving.

An Open Letter to Showtime

Dear Showtime,

How does it feel to hang on by the skin of your teeth? You were hours away from losing my business when I accidentally stumbled on "The United States of Tara" series that you so BRILLANTLY snatched up. It's a FABULOUS show. Shout out to Steven Spielberg who I'm not shocked to see created this gold mine.

Brilliant.


PS: You had me at John Corbett.

The glass is 1/2 full because......

The benefit to having bags under one's eyes is that it fills out and smooths any wrinkles that may or may not have been there (I'm holding on to the "may not" but realistic to think "may").
Yep, embrace the bags ladies, embrace the bags.

Fat Ass Friday

Triple-Tier Brownies

Ingredients:

1 package fudge brownie mix (13-inch x 9-inch pan size)
1 package (11-1/2 ounces) milk chocolate chips
1 cup peanut butter
3 cups crisp rice cereal
1 can (16 ounces) cream cheese frosting
1 cup salted peanuts, chopped

Directions:

Prepare and bake brownie mix according to package directions, using a greased 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. baking pan. Cool on a wire rack. In a large saucepan, combine chocolate chips and peanut butter. Cook over low heat for 4-5 minutes or until blended, stirring occasionally. Stir in cereal; set aside. Spread frosting over brownies. Sprinkle with peanuts. Spread with peanut butter mixture. Chill for 30 minutes or until set before cutting. Store in the refrigerator.

My A.A.A.D.D diagnosis

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table ,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.

My extra ch ecks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,
and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail...

What's for dinner-Wednesday

This is yummmmmy!

Potato Kielbasa Skillet

1 lb. Red potatoes, cubed
3 TBLSP water
¾ lb. Smoked kielbasa or polish sausage, cut into ¼ in. slices
½ C chopped onion
1 TBLSP olive oil
2 TBLSP brown sugar
2 TBLSP cider vinegar
1 TBLSP Dijon mustard
½ tsp dried thyme
¼ tsp pepper
4 C fresh baby spinach
5 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled (I omitted)

Place potatoes nad water in a microwave safe dish. Cover and microwave on high for 4 minutes or until tender; drain.
In a large skillet, sauté kielbasa and onion in oil until onion is tender. Add potatoes, sauté 3-5 min. longer or until kielbasa and potatoes are lightly browned.
Combine the brown sugar, vinegar, mustard, thyme and pepper; stir into skillet. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer uncovered for 2-3 min. or until heated through. Add spinach and bacon; cook and stir until spinach is wilted.
YIELD: 4 servings

Out with the old....finally

Work humor

OK, so I know that this post will be lost on most of you who read this blog, but I DO have Respiratory Therapists that visit and I thought that my fellow RT's would get a kick outta some of the uses for Albuterol:

"I work with an ER doctor who uses this phrase ever so frequently "X-rays are clear and I know the patient isn't wheezing or doesn't have Asthma, but give them a treatment so we can say we did something." This is so common, it happens in my workplace too

"a doctor ordered albuterol tx's for a patient going through heroin withdraw. He said that albuterol will clear the heroin out of her system...i never learned that in school." Writing this one down in case I get addicted to smack.

"Also known as Pro-Vent-itall. Been in the business for 21 yrs I heard and seen just about every use for this. Apparently it is so powerful it makes patients ask for it in their sleep. If I had a dime for everytime I got a call from a nurse saying the patient was asking for a tx, only to find them sound asleep when I arrived I would be a rich, rich woman." LMFAO! I love the Pro-Vent-itall.

"I got called to give an albuterol to cure the hiccups. When I told the nurse it wouldn't help she asked if I had anything that would help. Jokingly I told her to her to put the patient upside down and give him water. Her response, "But he's NPO." Yes Virginia, there are nurses this friggen dumb out there. There are a lot of them that work at my hospital.

"I prefer Al-Butt- erol. Had an asthmatic come in three sheets to the wind drunk. She got admitted to the ICU and shortly after arriving she starts dancing around the room and refuses to get back in bed. TV is set to VH1 and "pour some sugar on me" is playing in the background. When I tell her she needs to get back in bed so I can give a treatment, she asks "What I am giving?" I tell her albuterol. She responds by jumping and turning her backside to me, opens up her gown revealing her white rump and says, "Don't you mean Al-butt-erol" and then proceeds to slap her white rump several times. LMAO" Not only does Albuterol make you breathe better, it makes you a stupid drunk too!

"RN calls and asks if we can give a Alb tx to patient in 216 because the patient will not stay in her room" Ahhh...another stupid nurse. Check my surprised look.

"I once had a stat Albuterol neb tx on a post op patient that had a skin graft to his penis. He was morbidly obese so they took skin from his butt and crafted a handle out of it so that he could reach it to go to the bathroom. The patient was so excited that he went into bronchospasm..." I have nothing to say to this other than Good God.

"Albuterol is an excellent anti-depressent/babysitter drug. "Doc - can we discontinues Mrs. Smith's albuterol - her lungs have been clear for days now." Doc response - "No - let's keep her on them - she get's lonely when noone comes to see her." Awww...poor Me-Maw

"In my 15 years of being an RT my absolute favorite reason to give an Albuterol...Anorexia. No, I am not kidding! The doctor's reason..."Maybe the Q4 Albuterol will make her so nervous she will want to eat." Where do they get their medical degrees from? I felt so sorry for the little 85year old woman. As she trimmered she says "I'll do whatever to get better." How about eating Pumpkin...that would help a whole lot better than this!" Bwahahaha!

and my favorite.......

"Funny story (back in the 1990s) .... upon hearing a resident and RN discuss the use of Albuterol to treat a patient's constipation, a RT friend of mine walked up to them and recommended the resident write an order for Albuterol MDI, 10-20 puffs via the rectum, Q4. We had a copy of the order posted in our breakroom for several months to dispell any of the disbelievers" Dumb ass residents...gotta love 'em!

Ugh.

Part duex is puking. If you ask him, he "peuped".
After, he insisted on eating. Much to my dismay, he sucked down some applesauce. It lasted one hour. Now, he's BEGGING for a banana. So I tell him to eat a small bite of it. I go to the bathroom to return and find the banana gone. In his belly gone. Sigh. It's only a matter of time now. Why can't he swear off food for a couple of days like adults can? Oh, he has no fat reserves that's why. His 4 years of eating next to nothing is catching up with both of us. Dammit.

A night of peuping. Lucky us.

I'm so over this....An Open letter to Minute Maid

Dear Don Knauss, CEO of Minute Maid of North America,

This letter is to let you know that I will no longer be purchasing your juice products. Imagine my surprise and disappointment to read that your 100% juice products are made from concentrates from the following countries: China, Argentina, Austria, Chile, Germany, Turkey and the US.

The past year has shown us that China's quality assurance in regards to food export products is about as important to them as the Big 3 car companies are to Senator Shelby of Alabama. I will no longer knowingly purchase food products that are imported from China. This includes your juice products. I don't care that there are other countries that are listed to import the juice concentrate you use, I don't see why the United States cannot exclusively supply the concentrate but I'm taking these steps nonetheless.

I urge you to reconsider importing ANY food product from China in your products. I will tell everyone I know that are just as concerned as I am that you use Chinese products in your food products.

Thank you for your attention to this matter,

That's what she said!

My new vacuum sucks so hard that I had to use a heating pad on my shoulder after vacuuming the house.

Take THAT Dyson!

Feed Me Friday

Crockpot "This ain't Manwhich" Sloppy Joes

3 lbs ground sirloin or ground turkey

1 lg. onion chopped (I used frozen chopped onion)

1 sm. green pepper chopped

1 bottle of chili sauce

3 tblsp brown sugar

3 tblsp worcestershire sauce

1 sm. can tomato paste

Brown meat with onion and pepper and drain extra fat. Mix with other ingredients in the crockpot. Cook on low for 4-5 hours, stirring occasionally. Makes a lot!

Yum, Yum and Yum!! Heats up great the next day!

RIP you big piece of shit

Goodbye you hunk of shit. After you lost suction AGAIN a week after being in the shop, I signed your death certificate. I won't miss you, not even a smidge. In fact, I've replaced you already. Meet my newest baby:

A Simplicity Synchrony in pumpkin.

I'm in love.

Snort!

When the alarm went off at 5:15 this am, the song that was playing was "She works hard for the money" by Donna Summer.

Funny and yes I will be, it's BUSY at work. Thank BOB I'm only there until 3.

Did you know...

That rinsing your beef can reduce the fat content by almost HALF in most cases? Check it:


Reducing Fat in Cooked Ground Beef

A study in the Journal of The American Dietetic Association* has good news for beef eaters.
Nutrition researchers found that a simple rinsing process reduced the fat content of cooked ground
beef crumbles by as much as 50 percent. And, blotting can be used to reduce the fat content of
cooked burgers, meatballs and meatloaf. So whether you buy ground beef for taste, convenience
or price, you also can enjoy the health benefits of lower-fat ground beef with a few easy steps.

Reducing Fat in Cooked Ground Beef Crumbles by Rinsing and Draining:
By following the easy steps below, you can cut the fat in your favorite recipes that call for cooked
ground beef crumbles, such as chili, Sloppy Joes, spaghetti with meat sauce and tacos. This
technique will allow you to take advantage of lower-priced, higher-fat ground beef and still
enjoy the benefits of a leaner product.

1.Brown ground beef in skillet over medium heat 8 to 10 minutes or until no
longer pink. Stir occasionally to break beef into large pieces (about 1/4 inch).

2.Meanwhile microwave 4 cups water in 1-quart glass measuring cup or
microwaveable bowl on HIGH 5 to 6 minutes or until very hot, but not
boiling (150 to 160 degrees F).

3.Drain fat from skillet.
Using a slotted spoon, remove beef crumbles to large plate or other container
lined with 3 layers of white, non-recycled paper towels. Let sit 1 minute; blot
top of beef with more paper towels.

4.Place beef in a line mesh strainer or colander and set it on a 1/2-quart (or
larger) sturdy bowl.
Pour hot water over beef to rinse fat. Drain 5 minutes.

Proceed as recipe directs.

If your recipe calls for browning ground beef with onion or garlic, these items
can be added during the cooking process. Rinsing the beef after cooking
results in minimal flavor loss. Additional seasonings and herbs may be added
after rinsing as desired.

Ground Beef - 80% Lean/20%
Pan-broiled crumbles, after blotting only Cal:191 Fat:11
Pan-broiled crumbles, after blotting and rinsing Cal:130 Fat:5

Sources: Iowa State University, Dept. of Food Science and Human Nutrition, Nov.1992
USDA Nutrient Database for Standard Reference, Release 11-1(1997)
Thanks to kimbenson.com for this great info!

Feed Me Friday

Honey Glazed Spiced Pork Tenderloin Recipe

Ingredients:

2 tsp paprika
1 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp onion powder
1/8 tsp chili powder
1/8 tsp cayenne
1 1/10 lb pork tenderloin
1/2 tsp olive oil
1 tbsp honey plus 1 tsp honey
1 tbsp fresh garlic, minced

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350. Use fork to mix paprika, salt, black pepper, onion powder, chli powder, and cayenne in bowl.
rub tenderloin with oil. Rub spice mixture over until coated. Cover with plastic wrap and let stand for 15 minutes
whisk honey and garlic in bowl
Pre heat large nonstick skillet over medium high heat. Mist with spray. Cook tenderloin for 1 to 2 minutes per side until browned
place tenderloin in roasting pan and coat with honey mixture. Roast uncovered for 16 to 18 minutes
remove from oven, loosely cover the meat with foil and let stand for 10 minutes.
slice and serve

Abundance Check

I recently read this really cool idea of an "abundance check". Here's how it works:

Abundance Checks

Abundance checks are a tool we can use to create more abundance in our lives. They are written within 24 hours after a Full Moon. Surprisingly, you really don't need to believe that the check will work when you write it. You will however be amazed at the results, as you will see increased abundance in your life, in some life area. It is not always financial, but certainly in an area that you need. There is a traditional manner, which has been handed down, that it is suggested that you follow. If you do not have a checking account you can draw a check on a piece of paper and fill it out the same way – the results will be the same: more abundance for you.

Within 24 hours after a full moon take a check out of your check book. In the check register, outline this one entry so you remember that this is a check from the Universe. Write “gift,” “universal abundance,” “all the money I need,” etc. in the register space. Where it says "pay to," write your name.
On the check write your name in the PAY TO space.

In the little box on the same line where you would fill in the dollar amount write "Paid in full."

On the line underneath your name, where you would write out the dollar amount, write "Paid in full."

Sign the check: "The Law of Abundance.”

Do not date the check. Do not write a specific dollar amount on the check.

Put the check in a safe place and forget about it. The universe will take it from there.

You may feel skeptical about “trying” this. And what do you have to lose? Write checks within a 24 hour period of the Full Moon.

The next full moon's are:

New Moon for January, 2009
January 26, 07:55

New Moon for February, 2009
February 25, 01:35

Thanks to USAgirl from CBHB for bringing this to my attention!

Get the tarp and the lye.

OMG...I'm gonna fucking kill him. Srsly.

H (note the "dear" has been omitted) has been pulling the "I told you about __" whatever we're arguing about at the time. Basically making it seem like I've got the memory of an Alzheimer's patient. It pisses me off to all eternity and it's one of the biggest buttons I have and he pushes it all the effing time. Anyway, he pulled that shit today and he's lucky to be alive right now.

He's been going back to school for his bachelor degree for a few semesters now. He does get a percentage back after the semester ends from work but it doesn't cover even 1/2 the cost, but it is something. Anyway, he announces this morning":

"Oh by the way, you'll have to transfer some money because I wrote a check to school yesterday"

"How much money?" says I

"$1756"

"WHAT? Seventeen HUNDRED dollars?!?!"

"yah, why are you yelling?"

"You wrote a check for SEVENTEEN hundred dollars and you're
a) just NOW telling me
and
b) want me to transfer money from where?"

"I told you about the amount"

"No...You Certainly Did Not"

"Yes I did"

OMFG...."NO YOU DID NOT. TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT I'D REMEMBER IF YOU TOLD ME YOUR SCHOOL WAS COSTING US SEVENTEEN HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS THIS SEMESTER!!!"

"Oh, well regardless, the check has been written so...."

"So....what? Where do you propose I get $1700??? Shall I raid the money tree in the backyard? Maybe slice open the mattress and pull out our rainy day fund? Do you think this qualifies as a rainy day? Hmmmm....I'll have to think on that. WHERE DO I GET SEVENTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS?"

"From the savings or something. Why are you upset? You KNEW I registered for classes"

"I expected that you would use your friggen HEAD and get on the payment plan or at the very least, charge it so I had more than a goddamn 2 day notice to come up with the money!"

At this point I got up and left the house. I'm so friggen pissed I can't see straight. Remember all those goals I posted for the new year? They're all fucking down the shitter right now because my husband is a fucking moron.

He's beginning to become a really expensive babysitter.

O....M....G! OMG OMG OMG OMG

I'm ROTFLMFAO over this one. You MUST go to each of the links...You HAVE to experience the whole picture of hilarity with this Tool.

Start here
Go here
and here

Some of my favorite quotes:

"I love to lick the kitty, get yours licked today, sign up here"

"You must be clean. No offense meant to any of you, but you must be clean and not smell bad. I've never been with a dirty woman, but I have been around a few that I would not be able to help in this area. If I cannot breath, I cannot help you. Also, I will not go down on anyone who is on the rag unless we are dating. Sorry for the inconvenience." bwahahaha!

"Full Name: Leslie George Kistner III
What I go by: George, Vampire Lord, or God " bwahahahahahaha!
Age: 28
Hobbies: Weightlifting, Giving Massages, Giving Oral Sex to Attractive Females, Reading, Intelligence Puzzles, Nature, Vampires, the Gothic Scene, Video Games, and Religions that Employ the use of Magick

Collections: Transformers (the toys), Swords & Medieval weaponry (temporarily out of my possession)"

I needed this laugh, especially after DH's dumb ass move.

Oh no he didn't.

Scene:

Me: 3 hours sleep after working midnights last night sitting in the family room adjacent to the kitchen checking my email.

DH: preparing to slice up a cucumber for his lunch after I told him he couldn't eat the cucumber already sliced up because Part duex has recently decided that he likes cucumbers and I RAN to the store to get some, peeled 'em, sliced 'em and he can eat 'til his hearts content. Seeing how this is one of the only vegetables he eats, gotta strike while the irons hot. Anyway, I digress....

DH: "Where's the vegetable peeler?"
Me: "With the kitchen utensils"
DH: "Not it's not"
Me: "Yes it is"
DH: getting loud, "NO IT'S NOT!"
Me: "YES IT IS, I JUST PUT IT AWAY FROM THE DISHWASHER!"
DH: "I'M TELLING YOU IT ISN'T HERE!!!!!"
Me: now I'm royally pissed, I get up go to the utensil holder and lo' and behold there is the vegetable peeler. "Here Helen Keller, meet the vegetable peeler, Just where I said it was!"
DH: "You said it was in the drawer"
Me: "No I didn't. I said it was with the kitchen utensils."
DH: "THE KITCHEN UTENSILS ARE IN THE DRAWER!"
Me: "OMG, you can't be serious. You really wanna fight with me over this? What the fuck is behind you? That really BIG container with the utensils BULGING OUT OF IT?!?! You don't consider THAT a utensil holder????"
DH: "That's a stupid place for it."
Me: Seething....I wanna shove that peeler in his eye.

Just for the record, here is the utensil holder, as big as friggen life:

Happy New Year!

Let's eat!

Crockpot Peking Pork Chops

6 pork chops about 1" thick

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 tsp ground ginger

1/2 cup soy sauce

1/4 cup ketchup

1-2 cloves garlic, mashed

salt and pepper to taste

Put pork chops in crock pot- mix other stuff together and pour over chops.Cook on low 4-6 hours or until tender. Serve w/ rice, or Chinese noodles.This also works with pork steaks.

Really? Really.

Fleetwood Mac Unleashed: Hits Tour 2009

Section
Row Seats Description
115 AA3 - 4 Price Level 1Club Seating (100 or Lower Level)
Type
2 Full price ticket

Ticket Price
US $149.50 x 2

Convenience Charge
US $12.15 x 2

That would be $323.30 for 2 tickets to see 4 people old enough to be my grandparents, albeit great musicians.

Are you kidding me? Where do they get off charging $149.50 per ticket? Who is worth paying that kind of money to see? Surely not Fleetwood Mac. I can't think of anyone who I'd pay $150 per ticket to see. That doesn't include the $20 parking fee either. Or the gas to the venue. So a night out for two, with dinner, would easily top $500.

Yah, that would be a NO.