There isn't enough Lexapro to touch this

I'm pissed at my H. I'm sick of him not telling me shit unless I notice something or guess at something.

Back story:

His mom got pissed at us (read: me) in November and stopped talking to us for like 2 months and stopped watching the Flying Monkeys when I worked (for which we PAID her btw). She started talking to us (read: H) again when she needed shit (here's my shocked look) now everything he goes over there to do is a big god damn secret. I said my piece to him about the situation with her one day when I just couldn't hold it in anymore (read: kinda went off about her but this has been 12 years coming) so I suppose it should be no surprise that he isn't forthcoming about things that involve her.

Now his Hot Mess of a brother is back living with his mom and all of a sudden, she's calling multiple times a week to either bitch about the Hot Mess (who's like 47 years old and an alcoholic/drug addict who's stolen shit from her in the past and pawed it to get alcohol and crack) or ask my H for something. I HATE how she can treat my H like SHIT one second then has the audacity to call the next second and ask for something. Fuck, that pisses me off. I can't tell you how much. Now my H is going out there today after he picks up Part duex to take the Hot Mess to a city to pay some outstanding tickets the Hot Mess has out there which have resulted in warrants for his arrest. Now my kid is gonna be holed up in a house where there's more smoke than a forest fire, come home smelling like a fucking ashtray and probably have another 10 years shaved off his life for the 2nd hand carcinogens he'll be privy too and I'm supposed to be OK with this? H wasn't even gonna mention that he was going out there for this bullshit but I noticed that he was getting ready to go somewhere and asked him where he was going and he had no choice but to reluctantly tell me. He pulled the "you have to sleep so I didn't think to mention it to you" bullshit excuse (I work midnights tonight) that he likes to use so often.

I know it's because it involves his mom. I know it's probably my own fault because I went off about her that one night to him. It's still bullshit. It's not MY fault she's like she is. It's not MY fault I'm sick and tired of him being treated like a fucking door mat. It's not MY fault I'm just sick and damn tired of dealing with the drama.

It's shit like this that makes me cry that my Mom is gone. I miss her so much at times like these. I want to scream at my MIL to fucking APPRECIATE HER SON AND GRANDKIDS while she still can. I want to SCREAM at her to stop acting like the whole fucking world revolves around HER and her selfish issues. I'm sad for my H because he had such a fucked up childhood.

The funny thing is, my dad physically abused me and my brothers all our childhood and I actually think my H had it worse than I did.

Sad isn't it?

Best.Site.Ever

Thanks to Bitchilla the Hun for bringing my new FAVORITE site to my attention. I haven't laughed this hard since my last work evaluation.
Here's why:

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

Today, I saw my mom sneaking meat into her spaghetti sauce. She proceeded to tell me she sneaks meat into most of the food she cooks. I've been a vegetarian for 8 years. FML

Today, I had a job interview at a restauraunt opening up. One manager hypothetically asked me why I should be hired. I said I was more efficient than most. I left to find I'd locked my keys in the car. It took all the managers to help me get my keys out. FML

Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML


Love it!

Feed Me Friday

Pulled BBQ Chicken Sandwiches

1 tablespoon canola oil
1 large onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 (14-ounce) can low-sodium tomato sauce
1/4 cup tomato paste
1/2 cup water
1/3 cup apple cider vinegar
5 tablespoons molasses
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon liquid smoke
1 whole rotisserie chicken, skin removed, meat shredded into thin strips (about 4 to 4 1/2 cups)
6 whole-wheat hamburger rolls
6 large green lettuce leaves

Directions

Heat the oil in a large saute pan over a medium heat. Add the onions and cook until they are soft and translucent, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for 1 minute more. Add tomato sauce, tomato paste, water, vinegar, molasses, pepper and liquid smoke and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer for 15 minutes. Add chopped chicken, return to a simmer, and cook an additional 10 minutes.
Split rolls. Place a leaf of lettuce on each roll, then pile on 3/4 cup of the chicken mixture onto the roll.

Per Serving:
Calories 440; Total Fat 12 g; (Sat Fat 2.5 g, Mono Fat 5 g, Poly Fat 3.5 g) ; Protein 36 g; Carb 47 g; Fiber 5 g; Cholesterol 95 mg; Sodium 400 mg
Excellent source of: Protein, Fiber, Niacin, Vitamin B6, Vitamin C, Copper, Iron, Magnesium, Manganese, Phosphorus, Potassium, Selenium, Zinc
Good source of: Vitamin A, Thiamin, Riboflavin, Vitamin K, Pantothenic Acid, Calcium

Gymboree hates boys

Why else would they create this shirt for boys?


This is called the
"My Mom hates me because she bought me this fem-a la-fem shirt which she knows by me wearing it out in public (read school), I'm going to get my ass kicked on the playground AND I won't be able to go to the bathroom all day because if the other boys find me in the bathroom, they're gonna swirly me until the fem-a la-fem colors run from that shirt." shirt.

It get's better.

For the Mom who want's to drive her DH to closet homosexual activity

Get Dad the matching shirt so him and his kid can get their ass serviced in different ways.

WTG Gymbo!

Bad Mom #323

I told Part duex to "stop screwing the pooch" today.

Ugh. That was bad, I know. No hate mail. In my defense, I was holding 4 plastic grocery sac's one handle of which had already snapped (thanks to special ed Fred, that was the sac with all the friggen glass jars in it) and he was screwing the pooch instead of getting out of the damn car. He started laughing after I said it because, well, he's 4 and thinks "pooch" is funny. I did say that "Mommy shouldn't have said that" to him but if I make a bigger deal out of it, he'll sure as shit bust my ass to DH later today.

Dammit. Yet another naughty saying to add to his repertoire of things a 4 year old shouldn't hear much less have in their repertoire.

Ugh.

What happens AFTER the Valentine's festivities when you're 4

Part duex and Ruffin:

What's for dinner Wednesday

Photo courtesy of Momster

Taco Salad in a bag

1 pound lean ground beef
1 (1 ounce) package taco seasoning mix
4 (2.5 ounce) packages corn chips (I'm using Doritos)
2 cups shredded lettuce
1 chopped fresh tomato
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1/3 cup salsa
1/2 cup sour cream

Place ground beef in a large skillet. Cook and stir over medium heat until browned. Drain excess oil. Mix in the taco seasoning and prepare according to the directions on the package.
With the bags unopened, gently crush the corn chips. Snip the corners off the bags using scissors and slit open the bags along the side edge. Spoon equal amounts of the beef mixture, lettuce, tomato, Cheddar cheese, salsa and sour cream into the bags on top of the crushed chips. Serve in the bag and eat using a fork.

(I'm not eating this outta the bag although it sounds like a great idea for camping or picnics and such. I'll be setting this up nacho style.)

I finally broke down

and bought these shoes:

They're called Z-Coils and are supposed to solve all your leg, knee, back and foot problems associated with being on your feet all day (and night for that matter). OK so maybe not the solution for all that ails ya but the people I've personally talked to have offered to give up their children before their Z-Coils. (What's funny is that I've actually heard this before, it was associated with the Piece of Shit Dyson...). Desperate times call for expensive shoes. The good thing about spending $200 on shoes is that you CAN deduct it on your taxes as a work expense. I justified it again by reasoning that I spend an average of $50 on a pr. of shoes every 3 months so if these shoes last me a year, I'm breaking even. They're kinda strange feeling on your feet with the coil but after wearing them for about an hour, I didn't really notice anything different vs. regular shoes. I did notice that I didn't feel any of the "normal" pressure points on my feet being aggravated with these shoes. The true test comes with working and I'm on like 3 days this weekend so we shall see. I'll be saying a prayer. I told the guy that if these actually do what people claim they do, I'll be back for another pair for home/play use.

Wish me luck. ;)

You WISH you had my job version 2.0

The facts are true. The names have been omitted to protect the stupid ass people I deal with in a daily basis.


Patient (Pt): Thirtysome year old female. Comes in with "severe" abdominal pain.

Doc: So what seems to be the problem tonite?

Pt: I have severe pain right here (points to lower abdomin)

Doc: When did this pain start?

Pt: Shortly after I was finished masterbating with a cucumber. Do you think the cucumber could have damaged something in there?

Doc: (crickts chirping).......Um...let's get a cat scan done. We're going to also need a urine sample.

Pt: I don't have to pee.

Doc: It's important that we get this sample, the nurse will put a catheter in you briefly to get some urine.

Nurse: Ok, this won't take long. Let's get you situated here.

Pt: Does that go in my clitoris?

Nurse: Wha?

Pt: Does that catheter thingy go in my clitoris?

Nurse: Uh, no.

Pt: Good cuz that would hurt! Plus it might mess up feeling if you know what I mean.

Nurse: (crickets chirping)....Are you SURE you don't have to pee? Let's give you this cup and send you to the bathroom down the hall....let's give that a try shall we?

****Meanwhile, back at the ranch****

Doc: ....So, I looked at your results....

Pt: The tech said I was full of fetuses

Doc: What? FETUSES?

Pt: Yah you know....POOP!

Doc: You mean FECES.

Pt: Yah, that.

Doc: .....Ok, um, you have a urinary tract infection. So in addition to the antibiotics I'll prescribe for you, you need to make sure that you wipe front to back....

Pt: Wait right there. You need to be telling my husband about this because he's the one who goes from the back door to the front door on me.......



You realize that I couldn't make this shit up right?

What's for dinner wednesday

OMG this was soooo good!! I LOVED it! It sounds time consuming but it isn't, trust me. Great warmed up the next day for lunch too. It comes from The Most Decadent Diet Ever by Devin Alexander. This cookbook is the BOMB! I've made like 3 weeks of meals from it alone. Pick it up, you won't be disappointed.

CHICKEN ENCHILASAGNA


2 teaspoons salt-free Mexican OR Southwest seasoning (such as Mrs. Dash's Southwest Chipotle seasoning)

2 teaspoons lower-sodium burrito seasoning OR taco seasoning

1 1/4 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts, fat removed

Olive oil spray

1 1/4 cups canned traditional mild enchilada sauce

1 cup canned medium green chile enchilada sauce

4 ounces (about 2 cups) finely shredded Cabot's 75 percent Light Cheddar cheese (available at Trader Joe's) OR your favorite low-fat Cheddar

1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro

1/4 cup sliced drained black olives

3 tablespoons canned, drained and chopped green chiles

8 (6-inch) white OR yellow corn tortillas

Preheat a grill to high. Mix Mexican seasoning and burrito seasoning in a small bowl. Rub mixture evenly over chicken breasts to cover. Lightly mist both sides of breasts with olive oil spray. Let stand 10 minutes; then place breasts side by side on heated grill. Turn heat to medium, if possible, and grill 3 to 5 minutes per side, or until no longer pink inside. Let stand 5 minutes.

(I cooked my chicken in a crock pot with the spices sprinkled on it)

Meanwhile, combine enchilada sauces in a medium bowl and mix until well combined. Set aside. Mix cheese, cilantro, olives and chiles in a second medium bowl. Set aside.

Coarsely chop chicken breasts. Cut or tear each tortilla into about 9 even pieces. Spread 1/2 cup enchilada sauce in bottom of an 8x8-inch glass or ceramic baking dish. Cover evenly with about 1/3 of tortilla pieces. Then sprinkle about 1/2 of chicken over them. Pour about 2/3 cup of sauce evenly over chicken. Sprinkle evenly with 1/3 of cheese mixture.

Repeat layering with 1/2 of remaining tortillas, remaining chicken, 2/3 cup of sauce, then 1/2 of remaining cheese mixture. Follow with another layer of remaining tortillas, remaining sauce and remaining cheese mixture. Cover with foil. Bake in a preheated 450-degree oven 25 minutes. Remove foil and bake another 5 minutes. Remove from oven and let stand 10 minutes. Cut into 4 pieces and serve immediately.

Makes 1 casserole, 4 servings. Each serving

(1/4 of casserole) has 401 calories, 9 grams fat, 46 grams protein, 32 grams carbohydrate, 1,063 milligrams sodium.

Dear Mom,

Don't neglect the anti-depressants. Especially for 3 days.

Bad.idea.


Sincerely,
FM Uno and Pt. Duex

What you don't know CAN hurt you part 1

Where I come from, 90% of Nurses DON'T wash their hands after being in a patients room/dealing with a patient/touching patients yucky-ness (this encompasses many things), 95% of the Nurse Assistants don't wash their hands after touching patients yucky-ness (yes, I mean what you think I do) AND 97.9% of Doctor's don't wash their hands period after seeing patients.

Absolutely disgusting. Yuck, yuck and yuck.

FTR, this hospital employee washes her hands like a Mo-Fo and I have the bloody, cracked hands to prove it.

Holy shit!

So remember my post about the Abundance Checks? Well, I did it on January 26th. I wrote the check and put it in my wallet.

My ship came in today. Not only a ship, but a friggen CRUISE ship!

I was going to the grocery store and passed by some signs for a "buying gold" weekend at a local hotel. I thought "hmmmm". I've had my Mom's jewlery from her estate for the past 6 years that I've often thought of cashing in on. I also had some stuff from myself too. I had gotten it all together a while back because my Aunt was going to have a "gold party" but never did. Today I thought, "what the hell". So I went.

Guess how much I got?

Guess......

Keep guessing......

One more time.....

Ready for this?......










$2,400.00!!!!!


Holy Shit!!!!

Moral of this story? Write that abundance check. The next full moon is in Feb. I have the date listed on the original post linked above.