Thanks to Bitchilla the Hun for bringing my new FAVORITE site to my attention. I haven't laughed this hard since my last work evaluation.
Here's why:
Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML
Today, I saw my mom sneaking meat into her spaghetti sauce. She proceeded to tell me she sneaks meat into most of the food she cooks. I've been a vegetarian for 8 years. FML
Today, I had a job interview at a restauraunt opening up. One manager hypothetically asked me why I should be hired. I said I was more efficient than most. I left to find I'd locked my keys in the car. It took all the managers to help me get my keys out. FML
Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML
Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML
Love it!
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2 comments:
LMAO. It never gets old!
I'm quite fond of this one:
Today, I'm reading in the subway sitting one leg over the other. An old lady sits down next to me. After quietly examinating me for about two stations she leans over to me and whispers in my ear: "Girl, sitting like all the time will make you end up with a crooked c**t". I'm a man. FML
ROFLMBO!
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