An open letter to Suave

Dear Suave CEO,

Your deodorant sucks. The fact that it says that it offers "24 hour protection" is absurd as I stink after about 3. I also think that it's bullshit that your packaging looks suspiciously like Secret deodorant which by the way kicks ASS. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that it's strong enough for a man but made for a woman. I'm still mad because I thought I was buying Secret but ended up buying your shit. I'm mailing it back to you because I have no use for it. Let your wife use this crap, I guarantee she doesn't. Why? Because it's shit that's why.

Thanks for nothing,