Dear Secret CEO,
I'm writing you to let you know that you have an impostor on the deodorant circuit. It seems that the substandard Suave company is a Secret wanna-be. They've begun to package their crap deodorant to look IDENTICAL to your powerful, baby powder scent goodness and they've no doubt paid Sp Ed Fred stock boy at Walmart to put their shit next to yours, thus fooling the Secret loving fans, such as myself, into buying their 3rd world country deodorant. You have my permission to forward this email directly to your legal department.
I'd also be open to some free coupons.
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