Why do you doubt me Thomas?

So my darling husband (insert some very sarcastic tone here) comes up to me the other night and says, "Will you look and see what's on my back?" Here is the conversation from there:

Me: What the?.....hmmmm...looks like shingles to me.

DH (darling husband): It isn't shingles

Me: yes, it is.

DH: No it's not.

Me: Why are you asking me if you already know then.

DH: Well I don't know but I know it isn't shingles

Me: Again, why ask me if you don't want to know my opinion?

DH (getting pissed): I asked you because I wanted to know if something was there.

Me (getting pissed myself): so lemme get this straight, you haven't even looked on your back, but you KNOW whatever is there isn't shingles.

DH: I saw it in the mirror but I couldn't get close enough to actually study it.

Me: Well, I'm close enough and I say it's shingles.

DH: Nevermind.

At this point, we part ways, each to a different computer. I can sense the urgency in the room as both of us try to out-google the other trying to identify the mystery rash which I've already identified as shingles. I can out-google that guy any day as he's still a bit computarded when it comes to visiting any site other than CNBC and yahoo. Here is what transpired from there:

Me (GASPING): Holy crap! I've found the rash.

DH: What is it?

Me: OMG...

DH: WHAT??!

Me: Well, I don't know how this happened, but I'm positive that the rash isn't shingles.

DH: I TOLD YOU.

Me: Yes you did. I'm sorry

DH: You should be.

Me: It's hard admitting your wrong.

DH: Yah, especially for you

Me: Wow...that's really harsh

DH (laughing): I love you anyway

Me: Well, I'm still wondering how in the hell you got Syphilis on your back.

DH: WHAT?

Me: I know! I can't figure it out.

DH: I DON'T HAVE SYPHILIS ON MY BACK!

Me: I think you do.

DH: I'm done with this.

Me: I think you need to get checked out.

DH: I'm not discussing this with you anymore.

Me (now I'm the one laughing): Lemme google herpes then.

DH storms out.

Since this post would be worthless without pics, here ya go:





The next day I'm at work and receive a phone call from DH.

Me: Hello
DH: Hey, I just got back from the doctor.
Me: Oh ya? How'd that go?
DH: Well, you were right.
Me (silent...taking it alllll in)
DH: Hello?
Me: I'm still here.
DH: I said you were right
Me: Why do you doubt me Thomas?
DH: Whatever.
Me: So you'll be sleeping in another room until this clears up because I've never had the chicken pox and I'm at risk now because you have shingles.
DH: No you're not.
Me: Yes I am.
DH: The doctor didn't say anything about that.
Me (getting pissed because I've had a shitty day at work and I don't need this crap): Really? I guess the HEAD of friggen infection control here at the hospital is WRONG when he told me that I'm at risk, so I think I'll tell him that my husband said I'd be OK so sorry I took up 15 min. of his time talking to him about this issue.
DH sighing: I'm gonna get going now.
Me: OK, by the way, I told everyone at work you had shingles on your penis.
DH: click.