I suck.

I had a work friend call me last night. It was late so I kinda knew something was up. She said that she just found out that her mom had a tumor in her brain. Don't know whether it is cancer but any mass in your brain that shouldn't be there isn't good anyway you look at it. Her mom had just come from the MRI to my friend's house as she was watching friends kids while friend went to work. Needless to say, my friend is in shock and devastated. She said she just needed to vent/cry, which I totally understand, but I felt the need to say something. Anything. I don't know why but I did.
What the fuck do you say to someone who's heading down a dark road?
Nothing. There really isn't anything to say.
I'll be there for her. I'll watch her kids if needed and take over food to feed the family as my friend will be concentrating on her mom and treatment if it comes to that. I don't think my friend is strong though. She doesn't handle stress well and this plate that has been handed to her is filled with a big 'ole helping of stress.

Know what's crazy? Absolutely crazy?

The fact that I'm relieved that I don't have to deal with this. My mom is already gone. I'm relieved that I'm DONE with the utter devastation, chaos, shock, numbness, sick feeling, sob fests, etc. Done. How fucked up am I ? This is what I get from a late night phone call? I feel guilty. You have no idea just how relieved I am that I don't have to deal with this shit.
OMG. How supportive is that?
I think I suck.