Budget FAIL?

Why am I such a budget retard?

I think I'm subconsciously (ok guess it's really not subconsciously since I've not only verbalized it here but thought enough about it that it's now in my consciousness) that I'm sabotaging my attempt at budgeting.

Here's the issue.

I don't know where to start. I've stalked the Dave Ramsey message boards over at the Babycenter web site but every time I start attempting to make this damn thing out, I just don't know implement it. For instance, I can fill in all the blanks on this form, but since we get paid biweekly, I don't know whether to just take our combined paycheck deposit amount and assign all the money for a zero balance then do the same in two weeks again OR try to do this for the entire month (which would be hard since I don't actually have the money in hand to pay all the monthly bills at once so to speak). Like do I take the $400 that I budget for food out on the 1st paycheck of the month or $200 the 1st check and $200 the next check, etc. This example could also be used for gas, spending money, entertainment money, babysitter money, etc.

Does this make sense?

I need to make this work. I HAVE to raise some serious cash for this kitchen remodel in May. Any advice is welcome!