American capitalism at it's finest.

I just spend the better part of the day in Flint Michigan at the Crossroads Village and Huckleberry Railroad where a "Day out with Thomas" was going on. For those of you without children ages 2-7, Thomas the Tank Engine is a whole empire which drains the pocketbooks of American mothers who's child just MUST have the latest and greatest train additions to the plethora of train sets available, not to mention the t-shirts, underwear, bedding, swimsuits, toys, dinnerware, electronics, music cd's, DVD's, books, etc. (of which we have most of...sigh.)

For the record, I have resisted the Day out with Thomas for a couple of years now because I didn't want to be surrounded with hundreds of wild-child-animals who flock to this tour that the capitalist Thomas the Tank Engine bastards arrange every summer. I succumbed to the gravitational Thomas pull because Beast #2 WORSHIPS Thomas. He sleeps with various trains of Thomas every night. Worships I tell you. Soooooooooooooo, being the excellent mother that I am, I approached DH and sucked him into this hell, ordered the tickets ($18 each I might add..jebus) and off we went. Here are the results:
















One of the workers at the petting area told DH that if he put his cheek to the fence, the Alpaca would "kiss" him. I cannot believe he actually did it!




I couldn't resist putting this one together!

Beauty and her Beasties

We packed up the Beasts and went to the Children's Museum downtown. A good time was had by all, here's the proof:

Screw the clean underwear, shave the pits.

So we had this trauma where there was a woman who was t-boned by a car as she was making a left turn. It was very bad. She ended up dying. The thing is, as much as I felt for her and her family who was in the waiting room, all I could think about was the fact that her pits were uber hairy as I was holding up her arm while the ER docs were trying to insert a chest tube in.

How sad. This poor woman dies at 44 years old and all I think about is her hairy pits.

I have issues...part 429

Thanks to Tyler Florence, (Hot! He's hot! Hell, any man in the kitchen is hot) I was just informed that "skirt steak" is the diaphragm of the cow. O....M....G. I swear I'm fighting not to vomit. Maybe it's because I'm a respiratory therapist and I know EXACTLY what the diaphragm is, maybe it's just because the actual thought of eating beef grosses me out or maybe it's just because I worked midnights last night and only had 4 hours sleep today...whatever the reason, I'm just sick to my stomach.

Blah. I'm off the beef. I can't take this anymore. I HATE the taste of beef. It has to be smothered in something...taco sauce, gravy, A-1, ketchup, etc. Why do I still eat it?

Call the Waaahbulance

I'm so FREAKING sick and tired of Owen spilling his milk. Seriously. He screws around and it happens at LEAST once a day. WTF. He's a pig of an eater too. 98% of EVERYTHING he eats ends up on the kitchen floor. It's friggen ridiculous. I never signed up for this clean the floor after every meal shit. I may have signed up for months of sleepless nights, terrible 1, 2, 3 and 4's, fights at bedtime, bathtime and potty training, hundreds of shitty diapers but I did NOT, I repeat, DID NOT sign up for cleaning my kitchen floor after every meal!

Went to the chapel and.....

She done got married!!! By BFF got hitched last Friday and it was a GREAT time had by all! I was going to post some pics, but then I thought...why be nice? I've decided to post a couple of little de-motivating gems I whipped up.

Enjoy!

Executive decision

So I've been pondering how to get my kids to be productive, giving and non-selfish members of society and here's what I've come up with. The kids and I will chose a charity/cause to donate to every month. I'll get 2 or 3 together and explain what they are to the kids and let them choose between them. I'm going to do my best to come up with charities that benefit kids. We'll then donate a portion of their allowance (they get like $2 a week for cleaning their rooms and helping with light housework, L get's his regularily as O tends not to follow through with his chores) and I'll make up the rest. Here are the choices for this month:

Seedlings This organization translates childrens books into braille books and provides them to blind children for a small fee. I love this organization. You can donate like $10 and get a book in honor, memory or just in someone's name. I do this in memory of my Mom and Grandmother every year at Christmas.

Sleeping Children around the World "Sleeping Children Around the World (SCAW) donations provide bedkits to children of any race and/or religion who will benefit the most; typically being located in underdeveloped and developing countries.
No portion of a bedkit donation is spent on administration — 100% reaches a needy child. Each $30 donation (Canadian funds) provides a bedkit that consists of a mat or mattress, pillow, sheet, blanket, mosquito net (if applicable), clothes outfit, towel and school supplies. Bedkit contents vary from country to country depending upon local needs."
Pretty cool.

I'll post what we decide.

I'm baaaaaack!

Ahhhh, it's good to be home! I've been gone far too long and I've missed this outlet for my pent up frustrations and rantings.

This post is brought to you by Poo~Pourri. Spray it in the bowl before you number 2 and no smell will develope. Think I'm kidding? Check it out.

Pure genius.

You can say "you knew me when"

I'm friggen famous! This was published in Quick Cooking magazine back in like 2000. This is a great recipe, you should really try it.

Super Spanish Rice

Let's clear a couple of things up....

1. Just because they make it in your size does NOT mean you should wear it. Where is your mirror? You need one, take back the baby doll top that is now renamed "big fat muffin top accentuating shirt" and purchase that mirror.

2. Dolly Parton, your face lift makes you look like you belong in a freak show. I'd tell you to show some emotion but I know that your face is pulled so tight, you cannot. Bad, bad, bad. Grow old gracefully and take pleasure in the fact that you still have the biggest boobs and tiniest waist I've ever seen.

3. Here's a big "fuck you" to the middle aged Tool at the gym who called me "sweetheart" in a sarcastic way. You can call me any swear word you want but that "sweetheart" makes my blood boil. I take comfort in the fact that you're a pussy with your ARMY t-shirt on. Obviously the Marine Corps wouldn't take you. Semper Fi dickhead.

4. God bless the creator of Celebrex. It is because of this miracle drug that I can now do 30 minutes of interval training on the eliptical machine and burn 400 calories at a shot.

5. I read a message board geared towards bargain hunting. When you create your screen name and profile, you can also create a signature that is shown whenever you post something on the message board. I don't mind seeing your kids, dog, husband and you for that matter. What I DO mind seeing in how many days past ovulation you are or when you next lovemaking session will be so that you can conceive. Good God, somethings are just too much information.

6. The Moment of Truth is the stupidest show I've ever seen. I've only watched it once and my IQ went down 20 points.

7. I still, still love American Idol. This season rocks because there are like 5 contestants that are amazing. Carly Smithson needs to lighten up on the emo-goth look though, it's so NOT becoming on her.

8. I think my foyer floor is FINALLY going to be completed this week. I shall say no more for fear of jinxing it.

That is all, now back to your regular scheduled programming.