SOS!

Someone please help me, I'm being held captive by the potty. I cannot get out of that bathroom for more than maybe 20 minutes at a time with Owen trying to potty train. I'm so sick of sitting on the side of the tub reading the same Little Einsteins book over and over and over and over. Then, if he has to poop, we have to sing songs until he does. It'd be cute if it wasn't so freakin' irritating.
God I hate potty training. It's almost easier to have him in diapers. He's pooped on the potty a couple of times so he seems to be getting much better at making the effort to seek out that pot when he has to go. The problem really does lie in the fact that we have to accompany him each time he goes. That gets old sooo fast. The worst thing is, I can't remember how long this captivity lasts. When can I venture out away from the house with O in tow without risk of accident. It's not the most convenient thing to seek out Costco's bathroom 3 times in a 45min. trip.

Have I mentioned how much I hate potty training?

The One-Upper, The Beggar and the Failed Parent

The One-Upper: Ugggh. Is there anything more irritating than this person? They've done it better, longer, stronger, etc. No matter what you say, they'll one up you. It's irritating to say the least. I was talking to someone the other day about this very subject and I mentioned that I thought the One-Upper did what they did best due to a low self esteem. In "real" life, they're shit so they have to build themselves up as to appear better than they really are/feel. The person I was talking to disagreed and offered up this rationale. The One-Upper has a very HIGH opinion of themselves and actually believes that they've got one up on everyone else. Either way, these individuals are just draining aren't they? I wonder if they realize that about themselves. Maybe they will after reading my blog.



The Beggar: Where I can tolerate The One-Upper, I fall short patience wise with The Beggar. You cannot eat next to The Beggar. They assume that everything YOU have is community property and proceed to beg off on your lunch. One Beggar I know actually got pissed that I ate all of something that I brought for myself. WTF? I'm no soup kitchen, buy your own damn food and stop whining at the table for mine. If you were a dog, I'd smack your snout and tell you to go lay down. Now wouldn't that be priceless!



The Failed Parent: Ahhhh, one of my all time favorites. These people are a wealth of information on what not to do as a parent. Who needs parenting books when you have these people around. Here's a newsflash for you: You cannot be your child's best friend and their parent at the same time while they're children. Your children will have many friends, they only get ONE set of parents. Your kid walks all over you because they don't respect you or your authority because you haven't acted like a parent, you've acted like a friend. See the difference? Put your foot down and follow through with your threats. This is one of the BIGGEST mistakes I've witnessed from people. They make IDLE threats that they have no intention of carrying out. Your kid isn't stupid, in fact they're very, very smart. It only takes ONE time of you not carrying out one of the idle threats for your kid to figure out that you're full of hot air. They'll walk their little butts allllll over you. I see it EVERY DAY. My DH see's it even more often than that. I could go on for hours about this very subject but alas, I have more pent up blogs to come out so I must end this. Here is my parting advice:
Be a parent. That is what you signed on for when you were given this gift called your child. You can be their friend when they're grown adults. If you find that you cannot do this, for God's sake quit bitching about how bad your kid is. You created the monster, YOU live with it. I'm tired of hearing about it.

Memorial Day

I wonder if we all got together and talked, just how many of us know someone who was either wounded or killed in the war in Iraq. I came across this soldiers story the other day and it touched me. I don't think it's much different from the HUNDREDS of other stories from wounded soldiers that are out there but this young man is from my area so of course, it's a bit closer to home if you will. I think it's very important to keep a face to this war. I want to see the soldiers who are there. Our sons, daughters, husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, uncles, brothers, sisters. We need to keep this war personal. We need to remember that OUR people are over there fighting the most horrific battles, representing the greatest nation in the world, the United States of America. We cannot for one moment forget the sacrifice that the men and women of the United States armed forces are making for us. No matter how you feel about that asshat GWB, we have to continue to support and show our troops that we actually give a damn about what they're going through while we sit in our nice, cool homes, eating our delicious food surrounded by people we love. Most importantly, we need to care and support our wounded. Those are the true hero's, the ones that re-live their sacrifice every time they look in the mirror.

Please visit this web site and read about this courageous young man. If it's in your power, please consider a donation either to him or one of the many wonderful organizations that help the wounded soldiers and their families. http://www.casimirwerda.com/index.html

Most importantly, please pray for our troops. God bless them and our country.

Betch!

~Wendy's cashier: .99 plus tax is $1.05. Do you really need me to "hold for my total" for 5 freakin' minutes so you can figure that out on the register?

~Wendy's coporate office: If you think that making your high school dropouts wear disposable gloves while they get my food makes me feel like you give a shit about my health because your skank ass employees don't wash their hands after pooping, you are very mistaken. The whole "sanitary" aspect of the gloves goes out the window when Jethro is scratching his balls, greasy hair and poc marked face with his gloved hand then getting my fries. Oops, I accidentally pulled my hand away while he was giving me my bag and my fries dumped all over the ground.
Sorry that he had to call out to Bertha who had just put on a fresh pair to get me another fry. My bad.

~Kroger corporate office: Your produce is shit. Why is this? You are a major grocery store chain. Why does it look like your produce came from a dumpster in Mexican town? Your mushrooms have mold. A fungus with a fungus. Do you NOT see anything wrong with this? It's friggen ridiculous that your crap goes bad like 10 minutes after I get it home. I pay 4x the going rate for your shit produce so you can pay your old ornery cashiers $14 hr. to drag my cans of food and rotten produce across a scanner and down to SpEd Fred who piles them on top of my bread. It's BS and I'm DONE with you. I will no longer buy your crap produce. I don't care if I have to pay $35 in gas to drive to two separate stores as long as I get apples that weren't used to play softball in the back room. (I worked at a grocery store, I KNOW what happens in that back room). Fire your produce buyer.

~Owen: You'll never make it to 4. Why do you get up at the crack of dawn even though I put you to bed as late as I possibly could in hopes of you sleeping to at least 7am for God's sake. I can't take it...I don't want to get up every day at 5am. I'm friggen T-I-R-E-D. I switch between 12 hour day and midnight shifts every week and I'm TIRED!!!!! LET ME SLEEP JUST ONE FREAKIN' DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the bananas. The bananas. Why do you ask for a freakin' banana when you have no intention of eating it? Hmmm? More importantly, why do I keep giving you the damn things when I KNOW that you won't eat them? Why? BECAUSE I'M FRIGGEN TIRED THAT'S WHY! I don't think clearly because I'm tired. God I'm tired.

~Totheywhocantbenamed: Stop putting salt pork on your butt boil. I'm LMFAO that part of it stuck to your ass but seriously, did you at least cook the pork 1st?

You....I love

Everyone's a poet

I seriously have to LMAO here and I hope I don't offend anyone (shit, who am I kidding?) but I find it hilarious that every time I mention that I'm taking Poetry this semester, I have people come out of the woodwork offering to "help" me because "they've been known to write some stuff" or "what a coinkydink! I write poetry!". Give me a break people. Just because you can write some rhyming words or had your heart broken at 16 and was able to spill your emo out on paper, doesn't a poet make. Just for the record, our higher educational system doesn't want to read your stuff any more than I do. What they DO want is you to KILL yourself trying to stay awake while reading pages upon pages of crap that doesn't rhyme and makes no sense. Then they want you to "discuss" what the author meant or was trying to get across. Thank God this stuff is subjective!

From one poet to another:

Here I sit broken hearted
Tried to read but can’t get started
Whitman, Yeats and Dickinson too
You may be famous but your stuff reads like poo
I hoped this semester was an easy one
But now I see I’ll be taking it up the bum
After last semester this is a kind of bummer
It won’t get better because I'm taking Philosophy this summer.

ENT part duex

So we took Luke for his follow up visit to the ENT Friday. I got smart and asked for the FIRST appointment of the day, so we only waited like 10 min. in the waiting room. Oh yes, if nothing else, I learn from my mistakes. So anyway, he still has some fluid in the ear and they did some hearing tests which weren't bad but they weren't so good either. They support decreased hearing due to the fluid but we don't believe at this time that anything is permanent with the hearing loss either. His tonsils and adenoids are still HUGE and the Dr. feels that they definitely need to come out. Sigh, I have mixed feelings about this as I do feel that if things ain't broke, I no wanna fix 'em but on the other hand, I also know that as Luke get's older these could be very bothersome to him. That surgery is 1000 times easier as a child than an adult sooooooo.....we're back in July when our new insurance kicks in to set up surgery. We'll check his ears again too because if they're still fluid filled, we'll put in tubes the same time as the tonsillectomy.
Bring on the Popsicles!

Michelle and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Night

~I worked all night then couldn't sleep all day
~I got mad at DH for barging in the room while I was changing because I'm sick and damn tired of not having ANY privacy (this includes the bathroom where Luke and Owen often make an appearance wanting some ridiculous thing)
~I got into work and found out that Crack called in leaving us short staffed. Guess who has to pick up the slack? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
~I made my little salad and was squirting the dressing on it from a packet when the damn thing exploded all over my shirt, pants and scrub jacket. I smell like raspberry vinaigrette.
~The ER is busy and I'm the Rapid Response Therapist AND the critical care therapist thanks to Crack. When I'm down there, they want me doing shit that isn't in my job description and if I wasn't so pissed about Crack calling in, I might have done it but since I AM pissed at Crack calling in, I was forced to tell them that I was NOT an ER tech so get on with your bad self.
~I'm still mad at DH because when I tried to apologize to him for snapping at him in the room, he got all shitty on me and that fired me up even more.
~I'm so tired and it's only 1125 pm.
~I HATE Weight Watchers and I'm on Weight Watchers.
~I HATE that all I want to do is drink coffee and because I don't have any low fat cream, my damn coffee costs me like 6 points. That was the point value of my dinner.
~I HATE that it really isn't Weight Watchers fault that I can't eat like DH and never gain a pound.
~I realize now that I need to HATE DH and not Weight Watchers. This should not be hard as I'm still fuming about earlier.


~I'm moving to Australia.

Pay it forward

Do something nice for our soldiers. Log onto:
www.anysoldier.com and see a list of their requests then pack up some DVD's, cookies or phone cards. A small token of appreciation to the men and women who are putting their lives on the line for our freedoms every single day.

God Bless the USA and God Bless our service men and women.

Man-training

I think my husband needs to go to man-training boot camp. Women are born with the ability to shop, nag, gossip and be catty. It's in the genes of all women plain and simple. There are certain things that are in the genes of all men too. One of those things is the ability to do the lawn thing. Seriously, think about it. Most if not nearly all landscaping companies are owned by men. The lawn mower department at Home Depot just REEKS of testosterone and Scott's lawn fertilizer. So if it's inbred like I believe it is, tell me why in the H-E-L-L my husband would use friggen ROUND UP on the dandelions on our lawn? Hmmmmm???? Anyone??? Anyone??? Bueller? My lawn looks like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT I TELL YOU! It looked BAD before but he used ROUND UP all over the friggen thing and now it looks like a lawn dalmatian! It's green with friggen HUGE brown spots all over the damn thing! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! What is wrong with him? I swear I could kill him. Seriously. This is ridiculous. I'm so mad I could spit nails. Too bad I can't spit sod.