You can say "you knew me when"

I'm friggen famous! This was published in Quick Cooking magazine back in like 2000. This is a great recipe, you should really try it.

Super Spanish Rice

Let's clear a couple of things up....

1. Just because they make it in your size does NOT mean you should wear it. Where is your mirror? You need one, take back the baby doll top that is now renamed "big fat muffin top accentuating shirt" and purchase that mirror.

2. Dolly Parton, your face lift makes you look like you belong in a freak show. I'd tell you to show some emotion but I know that your face is pulled so tight, you cannot. Bad, bad, bad. Grow old gracefully and take pleasure in the fact that you still have the biggest boobs and tiniest waist I've ever seen.

3. Here's a big "fuck you" to the middle aged Tool at the gym who called me "sweetheart" in a sarcastic way. You can call me any swear word you want but that "sweetheart" makes my blood boil. I take comfort in the fact that you're a pussy with your ARMY t-shirt on. Obviously the Marine Corps wouldn't take you. Semper Fi dickhead.

4. God bless the creator of Celebrex. It is because of this miracle drug that I can now do 30 minutes of interval training on the eliptical machine and burn 400 calories at a shot.

5. I read a message board geared towards bargain hunting. When you create your screen name and profile, you can also create a signature that is shown whenever you post something on the message board. I don't mind seeing your kids, dog, husband and you for that matter. What I DO mind seeing in how many days past ovulation you are or when you next lovemaking session will be so that you can conceive. Good God, somethings are just too much information.

6. The Moment of Truth is the stupidest show I've ever seen. I've only watched it once and my IQ went down 20 points.

7. I still, still love American Idol. This season rocks because there are like 5 contestants that are amazing. Carly Smithson needs to lighten up on the emo-goth look though, it's so NOT becoming on her.

8. I think my foyer floor is FINALLY going to be completed this week. I shall say no more for fear of jinxing it.

That is all, now back to your regular scheduled programming.

Long time no see

So it's been a while since I've unloaded blog style. Oh don't worry, I still have pent up rage, I just lack the time to sit and put it all on "paper".

I'm tired.

I'm tired of my kid's messy ass rooms. I'm tired of yelling at them to stop fighting, instigating, whining and doing shit they KNOW they shouldn't be doing. I'm tired of Owen not eating SHIT...EVER. I'm tired of work...oh Lord I'm tired of work. I'm tired of looking around this house and seeing a plethora of unfinished jobs. I'm tired of my husband being a crabby ass because he's tired. I'm tired of my ridiculous mess of a basement. I'm tired of dieting (although I'm down 20 lbs. Go me!). I'm tired of sweeping this GD kitchen after every GD meal because my kids don't eat over their plates. How can a kid who doesn't eat shit make such a mess?
I'm tired of being tired.

Did I mention I'm The Pampered Chef's newest consultant?

I'll sleep when I'm dead.

Da Boyz

Recipe of the Day

This recipe rocked my socks off!!! It's soooo good. I served it over brown rice.

Orange chicken

1/2 cup Barbecue Sauce (garlic ones are yummy in this)

1/4 cup flour

1/4 cup orange juice

1/4 cup orange marmalade

3 Tbsp. soy sauce

1 tsp. grated gingerroot

8 bone-in chicken thighs (3-1/2 lb.), skin removed ( I use boneless chicken breasts)

Stir barbecue sauce and flour in small bowl with wire whisk until well blended. Add all remaining ingredients except chicken; mix well. Pour sauce mixture evenly over chicken in slow cooker. (Do not stir.) Cover with lid. Cook on LOW for 3 to 5 hours.

Serve chicken topped with the sauce.

Lukeism #32

"Mom, I have like 6 girlfriends now!"

"Really? 6 huh?"

"Yep, and one of them is really HOT!"

"Uh, do you even know what HOT means?"

"Yes, it means the girl is really pretty"

"Right, so I'm gonna tell ya that you should get use to saying "you're very pretty" and not "you're really HOT". Girls like to hear that they're pretty"

"Uh, you're a mom, what do you know?"

Niiiice.

Lukeism #31

"Mom, when are you gonna be done with your diet?"

"Not for a long time son. Why?"

"Because I don't want you to be on a special diet, I love you just the way you are."

Oh the irony

So we hired a financial planner a couple of weeks ago to help us form a strategy and plan for retirement, college for the boys, and getting a budget in order to help with the latter. This company also forms a plan for paying off credit card debt and the like. They also reevaluate your insurance like auto and home, and happened to give us a pretty good discount. They required payment at that time to get the ball rolling and I told them that I didn't have my checkbook on me. We had to meet with them in 2 weeks for another meeting so I told them I could bring it then. They mentioned that I'd be losing out on savings if we waited essentially another month by the time all the paperwork was filed. They suggested we just put it on our charge card.

Huh?

I had to laugh to DH in the elevator because I found it ironic that the same firm that was helping us get OUT of debt, was actually wanting us to INCUR debt to secure a savings.

DH ended up taking a check back there. I don't know whether to laugh or shake my head.

Recipe of the day

I shredded the chicken before I put it back into the pot. We then ate it on fat free tortillas. Yummy!

Crockpot Sour Cream Salsa Chicken

(3 Points)

4 skinless boneless chicken breast halves
1 package reduced-sodium taco seasoning mix
1 cup salsa
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/4 cup light sour cream

Spray the crockpot with cooking spray. Add the chicken breasts. Sprinkle with Taco Seasoning.
Top with salsa. Cook on low for 6-8 hours. When ready to serve, remove the chicken from the pot.
Place about 2 Tablespoons cornstarch in a small amount of water. Stir well. Stir the cornstarch
mixture into salsa sauce. Stir in 1/4 cup of sour cream.

Per Serving: 170 Calories; 2g Fat; 28g Protein; 9g Carbohydrate; 1g Dietary Fiber; 70mg
Cholesterol; 403mg Sodium. 3 POINTS per serving

An open letter to the PTA at my kids school

Dear PTA board,

Just FYI, I am not a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom). I work screwy full time hours as does my husband. Our home is a bit (ha!) chaotic and I usually have 10 things going on at once. I tell you this because I'm sick and tired of getting two friggen days notice or less when the PTA needs something from it's members. You simply cannot call on Monday afternoon asking if I can make cookies for Wednesday's Reading Week kick off. I need NOTICE and lots of it. I know it's not you specifically because I've had contact with other school PTA's and they're the same damn way. Take fundraisers for instance. We recently did a fudge fundraiser at my son's preschool. They gave us like a week for it. A week? Seriously? It took me 3 days to actually remember to have DH take the order form into his work (mine put the kabosh on this kind of stuff, effin' ridiculous but that's another open letter) and by the time he put it up, it was time to bring it home. I have no problem supporting the PTA as I know they do great things for the school, but you HAVE to get your shit together and give us parents the opportunity to help by making it convenient for us.

Oh, I can't make cookies for this afternoon. How's that for notice?